The book offers rather dramatic promises: that it “will transform your relationship with yourself and the world around you,” and “with perfect clarity,” it will open “the door to a life lived in the freedom of your innermost being.” Not only did this book fail to deliver on its overstated promises, as a psychotherapist, I found the teachings in the book to be potentially harmful.
The main refrain of the book is the author telling the reader that if you just see things differently, learn to let go, and recognize the reality of things, you’ll be much happier. He explicitly states that you can never have any problems again, ever, if you just try hard enough and do the right things (as outlined in this book). He suggests,
Don’t allow events to leave impressions inside of you. If you find yourself thinking about them later on, just let go.
According to the author, if you do this enough, you will reach a state of peace and flow, and “once you reach this state, you will never have to worry about anything ever again.”
It is true that there are probably a few helpful ideas within this book, if you decontextualize them from overall argument. Yes, it is true that it is possible to change how we understand things. Yes, it is possible to develop new patterns of thinking. Yes, it is possible to rearrange what is important to us. But this is not a matter of just deciding to do these things, and, for many, such shifts are incredibly difficult, and incremental over a lifetime.
Yet, rather than provide some possibilities of how we might make shifts in our thought patterns or priorities, the author repeatedly makes sweeping statements about dramatic changes that people should make, minimizing the effort, support, resources, and time that this takes most people.
Further, the author does not acknowledge any of the last several decades of research on the ways that childhood trauma and neglect profoundly shape our capacity for self-love, healthy relationships, or psychological well-being, or how people do or should handle loss or grief or trauma. The brain simply is not capable of preventing “events” in our life or history from “leaving lasting impressions inside” of us as the author suggests we should do. This is, in fact, a central part of what it means to be human: to have a memory, to experience life and be shaped by it.
Likewise, the author belies a complete misunderstanding of addiction and how it works neurologically, medically, and socially. He notes, “The way you stop smoking is to stop putting cigarettes in your mouth. All the other techniques are just ways that you think will help. But the bottom line is, all you have to do is stop putting cigarettes in your mouth. If you do this, it’s guaranteed that you will stop smoking.” This is not only simplistic and naive, but for those who struggle with addiction, it is harmful because it implies that addressing addiction is simple, clear, and a matter of will. It risks increasing the sense of shame and failure for those who struggle to recover from addition, which then makes recovery all the more challenging.
At its best, this book is the equivalent of your well-meaning uncle who tells you over Thanksgiving dinner, when he founds out that you are struggling with profound depression after husband left you, that if you would just cheer up and realize things are not as bad as they seem and appreciate the good in your life then you will feel better. Yet, there is a reason that your uncle does not publish books of his well-meaning advice. It is because it hurts when someone offers simple solutions to your complex problems and implies that you could recover if you were only willing to do the right things. This is, at once, insulting and counterproductive.
The answer this author presents to the parent whose child has died of cancer is that this is only a problem because they see it as a problem – that it is a problem that they have created in their mind.
This author tells the person who is suffering from PTSD after being sexually assaulted that they should “just let go.”
Why has this book sold so many copies? Because we desperately want to believe that the complex problems of existence have simple solutions. We want to believe that we can do it on our own: just don’t put a cigarette in your mouth. Just don’t think about the thing in your past that upsets you. Just decide to be happy. Singer himself has clearly been drawn in by the siren song of individual effort and simplistic explanations for the chaos of our world. But, if it were so simple, we would not need to pay Singer $14.95 for his repetitive promises of salvation via better thinking and individual effort.
My overall concerns with the book can be summed up in this lovely little piece of wisdom from p. 92: “It is actually possible to never have another problem for the rest of your life.” It demonstrates that this author’s take is, “If you just see things differently [as I am explaining them to you] things will be fine.”
Such a claim ultimately has profoundly concerning consequences for people who are struggling with depression, grief, loss, or trauma because the implication is that if you are still hurting or miserable, it is because YOU are not looking at things right or doing the right things. For people who are struggling with PTSD, severe mental illness, grief, loss, racism or sexism, terminal illness, war and displacement, hunger and poverty, the loss of a child, or an out of order death, just to name a few issues, this is not only helpful, but it doubles down on blaming those who are suffering. You could stop this if you would do the right things and try hard enough.
This is an irresponsible book. There are ways to suggest that people might learn to see things differently, that they might change thought patterns, habits, or perspectives in ways that are helpful or beneficial. There are rich spiritual and intellectual traditions that emphasize the importance of non-attachment and how we can shift our mindsets. But this book goes far beyond this, suggesting that you need not ever have another worry again and that this is just a matter of effort and mindset. Those who try this and inevitably fail are thus left to conclude that something is indeed wrong with them that they cannot do the clear and simple things outlined in this book that are so matter of fact and, according to the author, so readily available to everyone.
Let us continue to remind each other that the path to healing will not be simple. It need not be something you do alone. It will not be easy or clear or the same for everyone. Anyone who tells you different is selling something.
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If you would like to dig into some of these issues deeper with Dr. Elizabeth Gish, author and lead psychotherapist for Lotus & Phoenix Psychotherapy, you can reach out via LotusPhoenixPsychotherapy@gmail.com. She provides in-person and remote therapy to clients across the United States and world except where prohibited by law.
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